11: Your Brain Runs on Joy

[00:00] Stephanie: And we are back. Season 3, episode 11. Hello, Father.

[00:05] Marcus: Hello, Daughter. We are back. We’re in studio and everything. This is great.

[00:10] Stephanie: We are. Happy New Year. I’m looking forward — we have so many adventures we’re going to go on this year. It’s going to be grand. But the first adventure, honestly, is actually happening this week and that is our Rise Above Conference. Do you want to give people a quick little invitation to our Rise Above Conference?

[00:28] Marcus: Yeah, this is going to be a cool opportunity to talk about the challenges that we face in life and get some help. So I’m going to be presenting tools that we can use for overcoming the challenges of the past and rising above those. Marlene Allen, who’s the executive director, I believe is her title at Life Model Works, is going to be presenting on facing challenges in the present and kind of some of the things that she’s gone through and how Life Model tools helped her.

Then Jim Wilder is going to be presenting on how to escape enemy mode. And then we’ve invited a special guest, Eric Scalise, to join us. He’s the executive director of Hope for the Heart or president of Hope for the Heart Ministries.

Stephanie: And what are titles?

[01:10] Marcus: I don’t know titles.

[01:11] Stephanie: They’re your friends.

[01:11] Marcus: Yeah, we’ll just call him czar of all things emotional healing. But he’s joining us as well to talk about the things that their ministry has to offer for people who are on a healing journey. And then our own Dawn Whitestone is joining us as well. So it’s going to be a lot of good content, a lot of help for people who are facing difficult things.

[01:31] Stephanie: And it’s free.

[01:32] Marcus: And it is free.

[01:33] Stephanie: It is free, and we highly encourage you to register and even if you can’t make it for the actual live stream, you can catch the recording after. But if you do come for the live stream, you can, you know, chat and Q&A and stuff. So anyway, hope to see you there.

Well, last year, last year, we started our breakthrough series, and then we’re taking that into micro series bites. So we were working through the build model.

[02:07] Marcus: I should interrupt you and give a little kudos to the Breakthrough! book partner of ours. Disciple Making Forum just sent out their top five list of best books on discipleship, and Breakthrough! was number three. So thank you to Disciple Making Forum for that plug. And that’s encouraging.

[02:24] Stephanie: Yeah, love to see it. It is a good book. So, yes. So build. So the breakthrough series Is based off of that book, and we are working through the core acrostic, the core model. And so we today are going to be starting our micro series on the I of build, which is increase your joy bonds. So would you give us, just contextualize for us B.U.I.L.D. Like, give us a recap of what we are in right now. What is B.U.I.L.D.?

[02:57] Marcus: The whole build thing. So B.U.I.L.D. helps us to remember five strategies that are related to emotional healing. And the idea is that this is a checklist. Like, if I’ve been working on my emotional healing journey, but I feel like I’m stuck and I’m looking at why am I not getting the breakthrough that I’m looking for? A lot of times it’s because I’m constantly kind of hammering home on one or two strategies, and I’m not realizing that there may be other strategies I need to look at. So build helps us remember those five.

And the first one is be aware of your body. And like, maybe the problem is sleep. You know, it’s like, yeah, we both understand what that’s like. Maybe the problem has something to do with supplements or medication. But it could be physical, right? The U is about unleashing your beliefs, and this is the idea that the truth sets us free. And if the truth sets us free, then lies create bondage. And we want to unleash ourselves from that bondage and into the freedom that comes from truth. And then I is what we’re focusing on today. And that is increasing our joy bonds.

And the idea of a joy bond is I’m either going to live out of fear or I’m going to live out of joy. So what can I do to tear down the fear house in my life and build up a joy pattern for living and your attachments that are core to that. And then L is about listening to God and recognizing that God speaks to us. How do I recognize his voice? How do I recognize his leading in my life? So it’s listening to the spirit.

And then D is the demon word. It’s like, we gotta deal with demons. We gotta defeat the demons. We want to live in a victory that comes from that. And so the idea is that, you know, sometimes people are just dealing with demons, and they’re trying to figure out why they aren’t getting the breakthrough because it’s not a warfare issue. You know, sometimes people are listening to God and they have a great intimacy with God, but it’s some other area that needs their attention. So again, this is meant to be a checklist to help us look at what might I be missing on my journey.

[05:03] Stephanie: Very good, thank you. So, yes, today we are starting a couple little episodes on how to increase our joy bonds. And today, how do I say what we’re going to cover over the course of these couple episodes, we’re going to talk brain science, we’re going to talk Bible, we’re going to talk attachment styles. And so today we’re going to look at the amazing infrastructure, if you will, that God designed for our brains. God built us for joy, and we’re going to look at some of that brain science. So, yeah, would you like to kind of intro that?

[05:47] Marcus: Sure. So, you know, several years ago, my interest in the brain began when I first was a pastor. Somebody handed me a copy of the book Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You. I think back then it was called The Life Model, and I began reading in there about maturity and about the characteristics of various stages of maturity.

And I saw myself in these characteristics, and I’m like, well, no wonder I feel overwhelmed as a pastor all of the time. I’m a solid child on the maturity scale trying to do an elder level job. And so it was really eye opening for me. And then a couple years later, when I became the president at Deeper Walk, which was then ICBC, one of the things I was tasked with doing was to incorporate this life model perspective into what Deeper Walk was teaching, which I was happy to do.

So it allowed me to take a deep dive into Dr. Wilder’s teaching and in the process learn a lot about the brain. And then in 2016 I had the good opportunity to write a book with Jim called Rare Leadership in which we collaborated on the best way to explain the brain science. So that was a fun opportunity.

[07:02] Stephanie: Yeah. And yeah, as we’re talking through all the different brain science, there are some diagrams in the Breakthrough! book. But if you want to, I think the deepest stuff out of your books, Rare Leadership is going to spell out a lot of the brain science.

[07:17] Marcus: Yeah, Rare Leadership probably has the most. Probably second would be Building Bounce. And then Breakthrough! does have some of that too.

[07:24] Stephanie: All right, so what is the joy elevator?

[07:27] Marcus: So the joy elevator. In explaining the brain and how the brain functions, we came up with three important things for people to understand. One is that the brain wants to run on joy. That’s the fuel it wants to run on. If it can’t, it will run on fear. Secondly is that the brain has two engines. One is kind of our problem-solving engine, primarily on the left side of the brain. The other is our relational engine, mostly on the right side of our brain. And the third thing about the brain that’s important is that this right-side relational engine can be thought of as an elevator. And that is because there are four levels to it.

And the idea behind these levels is that if something is malfunctioning on the first floor of the elevator, it affects all the floors above it. If it’s malfunctioning on the second floor, it affects all the floors above it. So since there are four levels to the relational engine that is largely on the right side of our brain the idea here is, well, let’s use an elevator analogy to describe that this is the engine that wants to run on joy. So, it’s a joy elevator.

And the idea is that if I can live with my elevator all the way up to the fourth floor on a consistent basis, it’s going to allow me to live with more joy. If I get stuck at the third, second, or first level, I’m going to have less joy in my life. It’s going to make it much harder to live with joy. So the idea of a joy elevator is this idea that there are four levels of brain function largely associated with the relational engine that is largely on the right side of the brain. And it is all related to this idea that your brain wants to run on joy. So there you go. That was a lot. But that’s it.

[09:03] Stephanie: And on the topic of larger, I just have to encourage people that one of the fascinating things we’ve learned is that we have the capacity to grow joy, and we have the ability to grow our capacity for joy for our whole lives. So there’s always hope. If you feel like, oh, I’m such a low joy person or I’m constantly getting stuck or I’m, or whatever —

[09:27] Marcus: Well, it’s the whole idea of breakthrough. It’s not too late to see something change. How do I get something to change in my life? Because what build and breakthrough and all this is really all about is it’s a model of how people change. And so the idea is, well, I’ve tried changing my belief system. I’ve tried making better choices. I’ve tried spiritual warfare. I’ve tried all these other things, why am I not changing? Why am I not growing? Why am I not experiencing the breakthrough that I’m looking for? And so this is a model that’s designed to help us understand how people change.

[10:02] Stephanie: Yeah, so let’s get an understanding of the different floors of the elevator because depending on where you’re at — one, it’s helpful to understand just what’s happening. But also there can be different strategies involved for how you address if you’re feeling stuck on one level or another. And we cannot unpack all of that here, but we’re going to give an overview.

[10:22] Marcus: It sounds like a solid one semester class. We’ll start here, the first floor of the elevator. Where does it start? The deepest part of brain function is our attachment center. Now each of these floors we’re going to have a letter, a thing to remember it. So the first one is attachment. And the idea of attachment you can think of as a light bulb. It’s a part of my brain that lights up when it wants to attach to somebody or it lights up when someone or something becomes personal to me.

So for example, I could be walking down the street. Most of the people I see aren’t personal to me, but as soon as I see someone I know, I’m like, oh wait, that person’s personal to me. My light bulb comes on like, oh, this is important to me. It lights up. Or maybe it’s somebody I don’t know, but they’re walking straight at me and it’s like, are they going to sell me something? Are they going to shoot me? What’s going on here? And so my brain lights up.

[11:19] Stephanie: This sounds like a fear-bonded brain right there.

[11:22] Marcus: Well, it’s a possibility. So your brain is looking at this going, this suddenly became very personal to me, and the second floor of the brain now has to assess that. And the assessment is, is this good, bad or scary that this person is walking towards me? The third level of my brain is attunement where I’m reading the body language and trying to see if they are truly scary or not. And so I’m tuning in to them, reading their body language, trying to see what’s going on.

And then finally the top floor is the action center where this is the part of my brain that thinks of itself as me. It’s the part of my brain that I want in charge or in control of my behavior and what I want running my actions. And so what happens is my joy elevator can go from the first floor to the fourth floor six times a second — really fast. So what that means is that I am not consciously doing any of this.

So if somebody were to walk into the studio right now and walk in, suddenly, both of our brains would light up because it’s like, wait, what just happened? Something is personal to me. We’re going to assess this. Good, bad or scary, we’re going to tune in. So, for example, yeah, it could be mom with coffee, but it could be somebody we don’t know, right? And if it’s somebody we don’t know, then it goes to attunement, and I start reading.

And so what happens is, if my brain has already assessed this as oh, this is scary, somebody new just showed up, then I am more likely to misread their body language and attune to them in a fear-bonded way. And as a result, it’s more likely that I won’t act like myself. On the other hand, I could see that this person, you know, is scary. I could see that they have bad intent, but I can still act like myself in this situation.

And so the goal here is not that I never feel fear. The goal here is that I act like myself, even if I am feeling some other emotion, even if I’m angry or afraid or disgusted or something like that. So the goal is not to never feel these emotions. The goal is to not let those emotions knock my brain offline so that I stop acting like myself and being relational.

[13:35] Stephanie: Right. And I don’t know if we defined it in this episode, but like, acting like myself is who I am when I’m living out of my joyful identity, when I’m living out of that part of my brain that is —

[13:47] Marcus: Yeah. And so what you find is that the most mature people are the ones who are the best at acting like themselves and remaining relational, even under stress. Whereas some of us, it just doesn’t take much for us to turn into a completely different person. And I teach this in marriage settings a lot, right?

Because your buttons get pushed and you turn into a different person and your spouse is like, all right, who are you and what happened to the person I married, because you’re not acting like yourself. This isn’t how you would normally behave. But because you’ve been triggered and because you’re now acting out of fear, you’re not living out of that top part of your brain, out of the fourth floor of the joy elevator.

[14:28] Stephanie: So I wanna spend a little bit more time on the joy elevator. But also, we haven’t talked too much about the difference between — a lot of people are like, oh, I’m a right brain person or I’m a left brain person or whatever. What would you say to those people?

[14:45] Marcus: That’s a metaphor. When you’re using the language like I’m a left brain person or I’m a right brain person, you’re basically using metaphors. You’re not using science because most people are like, oh, I’m a creative or I’m artistic or, you know, I’m emotional, and that’s not the case. Both things are very much involved in both.

If you’re not very good at detail and focus, you’re not going to be very artistic. You know, it’s like you’ve got to have that left part of your brain functioning at a very high level. It’s better to say that the right and left brain are always involved in everything that we do. But the right side of your brain processes things first and faster than the left side of your brain. And it’s not strictly right brain, left brain — there’s a little bit of overlap.

In Rare Leadership, Jim Wilder coined the term fast track and slow track. Like, there’s the fast part, the fast engine in my brain that gets the data from the outside world first, processes it first, processes it fast, and then hands it off to the slow track engine, which is now assessing what to do about this. How big of a problem is this? How do I limit damage? And, you know, what’s the best way to solve the problem going on here?

And it’s on the left side that I attach narratives to things and put words to them. And so all of these things are super fast because even the left side of my brain is operating at multiple times per second. It’s just operating slightly slower than the right side and therefore it never quite catches up. I can always feel things or instinctively connect to things faster than I can think about them and put words to them.

[16:20] Stephanie: So what happens if we get stuck? What are the implications for your narrative engine if you’re getting stuck somewhere on your joy elevator?

[16:32] Marcus: Yeah. So if I’m stuck at the first, second, or third floor and I don’t make it all the way to the fourth floor, then the odds that I am going to misinterpret what I am experiencing and bring a wrong narrative to it increase, that I’m just going to misinterpret what’s going on. I’m also going to be more likely to go into enemy mode in my brain or survival mode in my brain, where I treat people like problems to solve instead of treating them relationally like, you know, people with whom to attach. So those are the main things that happen.

[17:07] Stephanie: That’s good. How can we tell when the relational part of our brain is in control?

[17:12] Marcus: So when the relational part of my brain is in control, I just kind of have a freedom to be myself. I’m not thinking about it. I’m not trying to perform for you, and I’m not trying to put on an act to get something out of you. I’m just being myself. And so I can tell when that part of my brain’s in control because that’s when I feel the most freedom.

I feel the most like I’m just interacting and reacting to things. And it’s also a part where it’s easier for me to be curious, it’s easier for me to appreciate things, it’s easier for me to be kind, and it’s easier for me to make eye contact. And that’s why we use the acrostic C.A.K.E. to help people use that as a characteristic list to know okay, I am in the relational part of my brain, and I would say curiosity and appreciation are really the two key things.

[18:06] Stephanie: Mm-hmm. That’s so good. Well, we are gonna continue talking about some brain science and attachment style stuff next week and continue this conversation. I do want to let you know if you’re reading along in the Breakthrough! book, you’ll get a lot of this and more. Seriously, we’re skimming the surface.

Chapter eight is packed with increasing joy bonds content. So go have some fun in that chapter and join us for Rise Above, the free Rise Above conference this week. I’m really looking forward to hearing from all of our friends. Yeah. All right, any final thoughts for this episode?

[18:46] Marcus: Well, you know, the joy elevator is an important concept for me. It really helped me understand that there are times when I’m stuck that I don’t feel like myself. We have a kind of a favorite family movie, you know, Uncorked, which no one I have ever met has ever seen but us. But anyway, it was a —

[19:03] Stephanie: I don’t even know where you found that movie.

[19:05] Marcus: I don’t even know, but there’s a wonderful line in there somewhere where the lady says to her boyfriend, “I know you are in distress and not doing your most magnificent thinking.” This has just become a standard line in our family now. It’s like, “I know you were in distress and not doing your most magnificent thinking,” and I think, though, that that captures really well what happens when our joy elevator gets stuck.

When we get in distress and our joy elevator gets stuck, we are less likely to act like ourselves. We don’t do our most magnificent thinking. We don’t become quite as good of problem solvers. You know, all of the things get harder for us. And so that’s why it’s important for us to first understand what’s going on over there and then learn how to deal with it, which I suppose we’ll have to do in a different episode.

[19:56] Stephanie: I suppose so. Thank you.

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